S is for Stoic
by Kirihana
Summary: A oneshot in which Duo seeks to make Trowa react, but mostly just annoys Heero and Wufei.


For this you must blame my friend and his art project. He made an alphabet of personality types. One of his pieces inspired this one-shot. There will be mention of 1x2, 3x4, and whatever other crack pairings Duo decides to use. Yes, _Duo_ decides. This is meant to be funny, so if you like it… review!

I do not, have not, cannot, and never will own Gundam Wing.

**S is for Stoic**

As is only appropriate when one is taking stereotypes and running with them, Duo was bored. Worse to his way of thinking, he was being ignored. Wufei and Heero were both absorbed in newspapers printed in their native languages, which meant that reading over their shoulders (an activity which usually annoyed them greatly) was absolutely pointless. Even worse than that was the fact that Duo had broken the TV the previous day. He preferred to claim it broke itself, but unfortunately none of his fellow pilots were buying that and Quatre refused to buy a new one. Duo felt this was incredibly unfair, since the rich blond always replaced anything anyone else broke, but Quatre told him it was because the others didn't break nearly as many things as he did. So now Duo was sprawled out on the couch, staring at the ceiling and sighing loudly. Wufei turned a page of his newspaper. Duo sighed again, only this time even louder and more pointedly. He was still ignored. He decided to try a different tactic.

"Hey, you guys ever notice how Trowa never really emotionally reacts to anything?"

"Hn."

"It's called stoic, Maxwell, look it up."

Duo made a face. "Really, who sits there and reads a dictionary?"

"Trowa laughed once," Heero said, turning a page. Duo sat up in shock.

"Trowa laughed? When? At what? How did I miss this?"

"Yes, a long time ago, at something I said, and I don't know, you were somewhere else."

Duo flopped back down into his previous position. "Wow. So he can laugh. I wonder if I can get him to do it again."

Wufei didn't even bother to look up from his paper. "Don't even try it."

Duo put on his most innocent face but failed to suppress his huge grin. "Who, me? Besides, if he's already laughed, it's not as much fun just to get him to do it again. I wanna freak him out."

"Freak who out?" Quatre asked, coming in from the kitchen with his daily cup of tea.

"Trowa," Heero, Wufei, and Duo all replied.

Quatre shook his head. "I see. If you need me, I'll be upstairs." He then left and went upstairs. The three still in the living room heard the front door open and close as Trowa returned from the grocery store. He walked past them, completely oblivious (or so Duo assumed) to the Deathscythe pilot's evil smile. Duo waited until Trowa had put his purchases away and came back into the living room before leaping off the couch and landing right in front of the aforementioned stoic. "Trowa! All of the OZ operatives we ever killed have turned into zombies and they're coming to get us!"

Trowa didn't even blink. He didn't stare in amazement at Duo's lack of sanity, like Wufei was doing, and he didn't roll his eyes at Duo's apparent stupidity like Heero did. He just looked. Duo thought hard and fast, which is probably why he said what he said next.

"Heero and I had sex last night."

This, at least, earned a choking sound from Wufei that almost sounded like laughter and a very strong "death glare" from Wing Gundam's pilot. But still nothing from Trowa, which meant that Duo's job was not finished.

"And later, 'Fei's gonna go cry over Treize's grave and scream about how much he loved him."

On the other side of the room Wufei's amusement turned to horror and Heero almost cracked a smile. Trowa still did not react. Duo was struggling for material now.

"And then tomorrow the three of us are gonna have a group orgy. We're thinking of asking Relena and Dorothy to join us."

Wufei and Heero willed themselves not to kill Duo then and there, and the boy who "never lies" would never know just how far he had strained their self-control-- or how lucky he was.

Quatre had actually been halfway down the stairs at that point, hoping to provide some damage control, but upon hearing Duo's last statement decided things had already gone too far and there was nothing he could do. So he went back upstairs.

Duo had one more bullet, and he sincerely hoped this one would hit home.

"Trowa, you and Quatre were really loud last night. I mean, these walls are supposed to be sound-proof, but the rest of us could totally hear you. I'm pretty sure the whole neighborhood could hear you."

Trowa sighed. "Duo, I'm not afraid of zombies. What you, Heero, and Wufei do in your free time is none of my concern. Doing anything of a sexual nature with Relena or Dorothy is just sick. And the walls are sound-proof. You didn't hear anything." He then walked away and went upstairs.

Duo stood in complete shock. "A sigh? That's all I get, a sigh? And wait, he never denied the thing with Quatre! What the hell, man?!"

Heero and Wufei sighed.

---Owari---

That's it. You like? Review, please! I'm considering doing a whole alphabet thing; tell me if you think I should!


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